Marriage is an endless bouquet of blessings and discoveries, with each new day bringing new joys and delights to those who join in the divine covenant. That being said, what are husbands good for, exactly?
Wives can rest easy, as The Babylon Bee has compiled the following (exhaustive) list of benefits of having a husband:
Opening your Amazon boxes with a multitool: You'd never be able to open that box so quickly and efficiently without his help.
Arm candy: Now you'll finally get all the looks when you arrive at parties.
When your car makes a funny noise: It's particularly helpful after you run over something again.
Explaining things that are far too complicated for women to understand: An essential service provided by all husbands.
Ordering a dessert when you say you're not hungry and letting you eat most of it: He knew you wanted it even though you said you didn't.
Ruthlessly but expertly executing any spiders that dare to frighten you: He's a cold-blooded killing machine. As long as the spider doesn't get on him.
Providing an adequate substitute parent when Mom is unavailable: For at least a few minutes a day, he's a reliable guardian.
Serving as an in-bed warmer for your ice-cold toes: Whether he wants to or not.
Having much greater odds in a fight against a gorilla: He'll last at least 17 seconds, whereas you wouldn't make it more than 4.
Any obscure task you need done while he's working from home: It's not like he has other things he needs to do.
Briefly holding your purse while you go tinkle: It's better than handing it to a stranger.
Describing the full plot of a movie so you don't have to pay attention: Feel free to scroll on your phone until the final scene, then have him give you the full synopsis.
Purchasing your feminine products for you so you don't have to feel awkward at the grocery store: Send him late at night so every employee in the store can watch him.
Serving as a constant source of Civil War facts: You never know when you'll need to know something about the Battle of Antietam.
Doing most of the work on the home improvement project you impulsively started: Just a quick 80 man-hours of work.
Suggesting places to eat so you can make a face and shake your head "no": You know what you really want, but let him try to figure it out.
Answering your questions about the sermon after church, since you're not allowed to speak during the service: Just like the Bible says.
And there you have it: the complete list of things husbands are good for. Now you know. Do you know of any other uses for husbands? Throw them in the comments below. Or have your husband throw them, since he's stronger.
Heartwarming!
