LOS ANGELES, CA — Word quickly spread throughout political circles today that President Joe Biden's son, Hunter, was consumed with jealousy after hearing Donald Trump, Jr. had received a mysterious envelope filled with white powder.
The powder-filled letter arrived from an unknown source, leaving Hunter Biden disappointed and wishing someone would take the time to do the same for him.
"Aw, come on, man! Where's my powder?" he was overheard complaining. "Trump's kids always get everything. His dad isn't even the president anymore! My dad is the guy who runs the country now, so I should be the one getting envelopes full of powder. Totally not fair. I'm gonna call Dad to find out if there's any still stashed away at the White House that they haven't found yet."
Despite not knowing what the powder was or where it came from, Hunter was eager to find out what he needed to do in order to start receiving similar letters. "It's all he could talk about last night," said one of Hunter's close friends. "He kept rambling on and on about how his supply was running low and he needed a fix. He even started asking everyone he knows if they had Don Jr.'s phone number so he could find out how he could start receiving powder in the mail. He doesn't care what it is. Coke, sawdust, you name it."
At publishing time, Hunter had finally gotten in touch with Donald Trump, Jr. and heroically offered to start opening all of his mail for him to ensure his safety.
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