School libraries are safe spaces for children to open their minds to the virtues of cross-dressing and Communism. But if you wrote a book about sea turtles and their wacky adventures you may find trouble getting your story approved by the librarian. You're going to need to update that timeless tale for a contemporary audience.
Here's what publishers say libraries are looking for:
- Douse it in glitter and blue lipstick: Librarians don't spend a lot of time reading so if the cover appeals to them you're in.
- Make sure there are no whites on the cover: Better yet, don't include whites at all.
- Include at least one pornographic description of a sexual act: Performed by barracudas.
- Consider adding dragons: Even if it's a book about World War II. Gay dragons are always welcome.
- Rainbows! Rainbows! Rainbows!: As long as you're not talking about Noah. That bigot.
- Dress in drag for the author's photo: You look fine.
- Get Yoel Roth to write a special foreword for your book: He's the arbiter of all knowledge.
- Have the story end with the destruction of the world due to climate change: If your parents had an electric car the dinosaurs would still be alive today.
NOT SATIRE: Americans are discovering that if we want to change this nation, we have to change the way the marketplace works. That change starts with you, with your wallet, and by supporting America-first businesses. Imagine a world where every single dollar you spend could go towards companies that share your values for life, liberty, and prosperity. Now with the PublicSq. app, you can.
PublicSq. is an app and website that connects freedom-loving Americans to the community and businesses that share their values. With over 35,000 businesses in our marketplace, discover a nationwide platform with the largest gathering of patriotic consumers and businesses our country has ever seen. The best part of all, this marketplace is FREE to join for consumers and business owners alike!
World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.