WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States House of Representatives canceled all scheduled votes and went on break to recuperate from a long, tough stretch of not doing anything.
Speaker of the House Mike Johnson confirmed that weeks of constant thumb-twiddling had left representatives exhausted and in dire need of a vacation.
"It's been over two months straight of now of waking up, not working, and going to bed. I'm fried," Johnson told reporters. "You can only walk around aimlessly for so many hours before you just hit a wall; and I mean that literally and figuratively. I've run into the Capitol wall so many times because I was lost in a daydream, just thinking about soup or whatever. We clearly need some R&R."
Over the course of the past session, the House did actually work for about 40 seconds one day back in August when a vote had to be taken on renewing the contract for the pizza supplier in the cafeteria. "That was a brutal 40 seconds. It got pretty intense," said Representative Robin Kelly. "The dough, it's too crispy on the bottom. It ends up overpowering the toppings because of that crunch, and it's just not right. We lost, though — party-line vote. I hate Mike Johnson for that. Man, I need a break."
At publishing time, the House had decided to extend its break an extra week so as to come back more prepared to keep on not working.
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