HOLLYWOOD, CA—A new committee in Hollywood has come together to inform the public which comedians are OK to laugh at. The group of nearly forty industry veterans who otherwise can’t find work meets weekly to discuss which comedians should be approved for laughter. After eight months of deliberation, the list of approved comedians is nearly complete, with nearly three comedians already on the list.
Committee chair, Martha Rayburn, formerly an executive producer in preschool television says the process of choosing laughter-approved comedians has been meticulous and thorough. “At first, we considered abolishing comedy altogether. We just couldn’t find a single comedian who didn’t have problematic jokes in their repertoire. But after further investigation we have decided there are a small number of comedians who it is OK to laugh at,” Rayburn said at a press conference on Saturday.
The list so far contains two comedians. One is Polynesian Tamar Kalai, a fifty-three-year-old comedienne whose set list consists exclusively of puns about nuts, beans, and legumes of the South Pacific. One of her most popular jokes about macadamia nuts was featured in the book 1,000,000 and 1 Nut Jokes for Children (1973). The other humorist who made the list was Kayla Norris, a mute woman from Florida who performs in complete silence, communicating humor exclusively using her left eyebrow.
The issue of problematic comedians has been a hot-button issue in recent years. “We have tried to shame, fire, and even murder many of the comedians who cross the line,” said committee member Hugo Jenson. “But we realized that as long as people laugh at the wrong comedians, problematic comedy will not go away.” The new committee says that once the list is published, they will work to make all non-approved laughter a serious legal offense. “People who laugh at inappropriate jokes shouldn’t be in comedy clubs. They should be in prison,” said Jenson.
As a public service, the committee will also be releasing a pamphlet explaining ways of resisting laughter to avoid prosecution. Techniques include sewing your mouth shut, only crying, and eating bees.
The list is expected to be made public in early 2020 and will contain no men.