PORTLAND, OR — NBA fans watched in awe last night as the Lakers and Trailblazers made history by playing an entire game without dribbling the ball a single time.
Players euro-stepped, yugo-stepped, and just lazily walked around cradling the ball for 48 minutes, managing to not let the ball touch the court a single time.
"Wow! Now that is basketball," said local fan Jimmy Smart, cheering from the stands. "Watching a guy run with a ball and then get fouled, and then watching the other guy run with a ball and get fouled -- I am on the edge of my seat. Oh wow, the guy running with the ball handed it to a white guy to chuck up a three-pointer. This is the most exciting sporting event in history."
The 101-93 Lakers win featured 78 free-throws, 403 three-point attempts, and one traveling call. "TRAVELING?? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING," screamed an irate LeBron James, who had stuffed the ball under his jersey and ran around for several minutes. "That's the super-extended-jumbo-Swedish step, ref. Come on!"
At publishing time, LeBron had again made history after managing to run around the court holding the ball himself for an entire quarter.
Thanks to clown world, it's been a great year for comedy. Here are some of our top-performing sketches of 2024!