SWEETWATER, TN - As the Democratic Party ramps up their efforts to take back the White House, leftwing politicians have begun pushing new, progressive initiatives, mostly involving promises of reparations to various minorities.
Democrats are proposing reparations for African-Americans, gay couples, and African-American gay couples, leaving some party leaders desperate to entice even more minority voters with monetary vote incentives. Former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is charting new territory by proposing reparations for a people group that she says has been neglected for far too long.
During a scheduled stop on her speaking tour in the town of Sweetwater, TN, Clinton spoke to a crowd of dozens about the need for reparations to anyone who ever lost a presidential election to Donald Trump.
"No other minority group has been so disenfranchised as this one," Clinton announced to the audience, "and few have been wronged so deeply!" She went on to describe how every single person who ever lost a presidential election to Donald Trump had invested countless amounts of lobbyists' money into campaigns, super real charities, and stylish pantsuits, only to achieve national humiliation, a penchant for Xanax, and millions of dollars in speaking engagements and book deals.
At publishing time, Clinton had also proposed reparations to any affluent political couple who had ever been the subject of a failed Broadway play.