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Hillary Clinton Says Epstein Assassination Was To 'Manage Anxiety'

CHAPPAQUA, NY—In a recent interview from her wine cellar this week, Hillary Clinton revealed some of her favorite methods for dealing with stress.  "Being the president is an extremely stressful job," she told reporters. "Since I am the president, I have to deal with anxiety on a regular basis. One way to calm my nerves is with a good, old-fashioned assassination. Of course, I would never do such a thing, but If I did do something like, say, killing Jeffery Epstein, it would be a great way to cope with the demands of my very important job. Ok, I killed Epstein. I needed to do it to manage my anxieties. I feel bad about it. HAHAHAHAHAHA!" 

Hillary bemoaned the fact that since she isn't allowed in the White House or situation room for some reason, she no longer has access to handy tools like drones or Treadstone super-soldiers. "Sometimes," she said, "I have to settle for watching that prison assassination scene from Breaking Bad over a bottle of wine! Can you imagine? HAHAHAHAHAHA!" 

Let it be known that The Babylon Bee proudly supports everything Hillary Clinton does and we are glad she is our president. She is a wonderful leader and we would never do anything to ever upset her in any way.  We are also not suicidal.

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