U.S.—One of the dreams of every conservative is owning libs, but a new report says that this dream has become unobtainable for many. That’s because of the vast inequality in lib ownership where an elite top 1% of conservatives own 50% of all libs.
According to a report from the Center for Conservative Studies, the bottom 50% of conservatives hardly own any libs at all while those at the top hog all the lib ownership, dunking on them left and right. “The average conservative has barely even tasted liberal tears,” said Dr. Edmund Martin, who conducted the study, “while someone like Ben Shapiro has a whole tumbler full of tears.”
According to Martin, most conservatives post a meme or two on social media in the hopes of owning perhaps one lib a week -- and those are usually randos with ten followers. This is while people like Steven Crowder are owning whole swaths of libs each and every day. And the inequality grows as one goes even farther to the top, as estimates show that President Donald Trump owns a full 20% of libs all by himself.
Trump was unapologetic about this. “We’re all better off when I own libs,” Trump said. “I mean, do you want libs walking around unowned? Horrible. And everyone benefits from making sure all the libs get owned by someone. Liberal tears trickle down.”