U.S.—The nation's churchgoing introverts erupted into a time of spontaneous praise and worship Sunday morning as they discovered that their churches had canceled the customary meet and greet time.
Many Sunday services either axed their greeting times altogether or encouraged congregants not to get too close to one another, causing the outbreak of prayers of gratitude among church introverts.
"I know this is a deadly disease and a serious issue, but this is a strong silver lining," said Luke Halper. "The Lord needed to purge His people of their unbiblical practices such as shaking everybody's hand, side hugging, and saying hello to everyone, and if He in His sovereign wisdom chose to use a novel coronavirus to do it, then so be it. It is the will of the Lord."
Most smart church introverts already had worn a "Do Not Greet" medical bracelet, but many churchgoers ignored the warning and would try to make small talk anyway.
"The Lord works in mysterious ways," said church introvert Amy Trudeau via text message. "He guides kings, rulers, nations, and coronaviruses according to the mysteries of His sovereign will."