CHAPPAQUA, NY - According to sources, former First Lady and skilled assassin Hillary Clinton is joining the Halloween festivities this year by dressing up as a real live president.
"I really wanted to show little girls everywhere that if you believe in yourself and kill a lot of people, you can be president of the United States someday," she said, "...just like I was. I was the rightful president. I WAS THE RIGHTFUL PRESIDENT!" She then screamed and threw an open bottle of wine against the wall and made her servants pick it up.
Hillary will be wearing a realistic president costume and sitting behind a handmade replica of the resolute desk to complete the look.
"This is where I sign my executive orders to bail out banks and drone strike brown people in the Middle East," she said proudly as she signed imaginary papers on her desk. "You may address me as Madam President. Happy Halloween!"
Sources say that Bill Clinton will also be dressing up for Halloween, as someone who's not married to Hillary Clinton.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
