CALIFORNIA — Hurricane Hilary made landfall today in California, quickly destroying tens of thousands of emails upon her arrival.
"My house is fine, but my email server -- annihilated," said San Diego resident Jim McKay. "Nature is so weird like that."
Despite weakening to a category one hurricane, Hilary still packed a vicious punch upon making landfall. "I'm ok, but the storm somehow crushed my cell phone," said local woman Alicia Gonzales. "I mean, it's like someone took a hammer to this thing. People are letting down their guard because Hilary has weakened, but she's still got power where it counts."
According to officials, the final toll of Hilary's destruction may range into the hundreds of thousands of emails. "It may be a catastrophic loss - of data, at least," said Los Angeles mayor Karen Bass. "I myself was not spared, as all e-mails relating to bribery money from USC and my friendly relations to the Castro family have been wiped out. Sad!"
At publishing time, experts reported that Hurricane Hilary's weakening was due to a southward moving tropical depression named Donald.
Their culture is not your costume. DO NOT appropriate ghost, zombie, or vampire culture this Halloween.