WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a heartwarming ceremony, President Joe Biden awarded the prestigious Medal of Honor to Kaleo Manuel for his work conserving water during the deadly Hawaii wildfires.
"When people begged for water to save their homes, their very lives - Mr. Manuel had the courage to stand firm and say 'No'," said President Biden. "That's the kind of climate change warrior this administration wants to honor."
According to reports, Mr. Manuel boldly refused to release water to put out the raging fires because the water could be needed for something more important in the future. "If you quit believing in water conservation the moment your house catches fire, then you don't believe in water conservation at all," said Mr. Manuel in a speech. "We have to start saving water today, and push out those negative voices saying 'I'm burning alive' and 'This is the end'. We have to hold firm if we're going to build an equitable climate for future generations."
President Biden reportedly looks to capitalize on Mr. Manuel's success by placing him in charge of the administration's Climate Action Committee. "We think he has what it takes," said senior aide Lisa Lemon. "We've got to cut off hungry people from inexpensive food, poor people from inexpensive transportation, and light-skinned people from oxygen. Mr. Manuel seems like the perfect fit."
At publishing time, Democrats had announced they would be cutting all drinking water to Hawaii in an effort to save even more water.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.