BRUSSELS — As all eyes around the globe remained fixed on the ongoing U.S.-Iran conflict, leaders gathered for an important summit in a clear display that Europe remained under its persistent delusion that anyone cares what it thinks.
Sources revealed that the meeting of European leaders took place over the weekend with the expressed purpose of maintaining the presumption that everyone else around the world still listens to what European leaders have to say about anything.
"We are still quite important and influential, obviously," said EU head Ursula von der Leyen. "It's vital for us to give our opinion so everyone can know what we think. We're Europe, after all."
Europe's belief that its opinion matters to anyone outside of Europe was likewise confirmed by yet another solemn statement from U.K. Prime Minister Kier Starmer. "Everyone needs to know what we have to say on every topic," Starmer said. "It is our job to make somber proclamations whenever something important happens. That way, even though we were not consulted by any of the parties involved, we can maintain some semblance of importance in our own minds. This is why I'm making daily statements about what is happening in Iran, even though no one else really knows I'm making these statements. Is there anyone there? Can anyone hear me? Am I still talking?"
At publishing time, European leaders had reportedly called an emergency meeting to draft another joint statement about the conflict in the Middle East that nobody would bother reading.
The Iranian government has officially announced a new Supreme Leader.
