HOUSTON, TX — Out of a job after his primary defeat, Dan Crenshaw has officially joined up with the crew of the infamous "Pirates Who Don't Do Anything."
After wrapping up his term in D.C., Crenshaw will join Pa Grape, Mr. Lunt, and Larry the Cucumber aboard the pirate ship that never veers to starboard, as it never sails at all.
"It has been my great honor to represent the people of Texas in the United States Congress. Now, it will be tremendous honor to join the illustrious ranks of the 'Pirates Who Don't Do Anything'," said Crenshaw. "Having never plucked a rooster or thrown my mashed potatoes up against a wall, I believe I have what it takes to join the crew. I look forward to not painting daises on a big red rubber ball, or doing much of anything."
According to sources in the crew, Crenshaw will be a welcome addition as he appears to have knowledge of "pirate-y" things. "We've been needing a new verse to sing for a while now," said Mr. Lunt. "I'd write one, but as you know, we don't do anything. Now pass the chips!"
At publishing time, Crenshaw had been accepted on board the ship after confirming to the captain that he had indeed never been to Boston in the fall.
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