LYNCHBURG, VA — Despite being a fully grown adult, local man Jeff Campbell is still calling the worship service in the sanctuary "Big Church."
"Sure, I'm thirty years old - but did you see me leave for Children's Church?" asked Mr. Campbell. "No? Then I went to Big Church. Check and mate."
Although Mr. Campbell has not attended Children's Church in two decades, the vernacular has shown no signs of changing. "Sitting in Big Church still feels like I got invited to the secret meeting," said Mr. Campbell. "It's a long time to sit still, so sometimes I reward myself with a treat afterwards. Hang on - got to go toss all these Connection Cards I doodled on."
At publishing time, Mr. Campbell had been seen darting through the Church's Garden Room to hit the dessert table while everyone else was in the main course line for the potluck.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
