Grown Man Still Calling It ‘Big Church’
Church · Aug 20, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

LYNCHBURG, VA — Despite being a fully grown adult, local man Jeff Campbell is still calling the worship service in the sanctuary "Big Church."

"Sure, I'm thirty years old - but did you see me leave for Children's Church?" asked Mr. Campbell. "No? Then I went to Big Church. Check and mate."

Although Mr. Campbell has not attended Children's Church in two decades, the vernacular has shown no signs of changing. "Sitting in Big Church still feels like I got invited to the secret meeting," said Mr. Campbell. "It's a long time to sit still, so sometimes I reward myself with a treat afterwards. Hang on - got to go toss all these Connection Cards I doodled on."

At publishing time, Mr. Campbell had been seen darting through the Church's Garden Room to hit the dessert table while everyone else was in the main course line for the potluck.

Babylon Bee subscriber Tim G contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.