LOS ANGELES, CA — Once-powerful hurricane Hilary was downgraded to a tropical storm as it made landfall over the weekend. What the sources predicted would be complete devastation has instead turned out to be a slight drizzle in the air, increased humidity, and increased instances of Californians saying "Wow, it's wet out there."
"There's only one possible reason this hurricane failed to make it across the finish line and lay waste to the southwestern U.S.," said local meteorologist Chip Bliddims in this morning's broadcast. "Russia clearly meddled with our hurricane."
Rumors of Russian interference had been swirling ever since the World Meteorological Organization named this latest storm "Hilary." With the storm proving to be weak and underwhelming, those rumors have become serious warnings from intelligence officials regarding Russia's ability to control America's weather and devastate ratings for news channels everywhere. "Be on the alert," said former FBI director Andrew McCabe. "This has all the earmarks of Russian weather manipulation technology."
Locals in California are being warned that Hilary might still cause damage in the form of flash floods, mudslides, and appearances on The View.
At publishing time, California's DA had announced a new indictment of Donald Trump for the floods and mudslides.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
