CANCUN—Ted Cruz is being heralded as a hero after he traveled to Cancun in the middle of the worst energy crisis in recent memory in order to lasso the sun and bring it back to Texas.
The media quickly condemned Cruz for his trip but apologized when they realized he was actually saving the state by bringing the sun back for them.
"Don't worry, y'all -- Ted is comin' back, and the sun's comin' with him!" Cruz cried as he rode along a beautiful Cancun beach, spooling up his lasso to catch the sun. "Yeeeeehaw!" After a few unsuccessful attempts, Cruz remained undeterred, riding back and forth across the beach, trying to catch the sunlight.
"He's a tricky lil' rascal, boy howdy!" Cruz said. "But we'll get 'em, just you watch! Darn' tootin'!"
He was also attempting to bottle the water and bring it back to the Texans who have had no water for days, but advisers warned him that drinking the Mexican water would probably just make matters worse.