U.S. - Reports from across the nation Thursday indicated that every conservative uncle in the whole country said, "Boy, we sure could use some of that global warming about now!" amid cold temperatures.

"Boy, we sure could use some of that global warming about now!" quipped Uncle Marty in Alabama as he shoveled snow, triggering eye-rolls from his nephews and nieces. "I hope Al Gore flies around in his private jet some more!"

"Boy, we sure could use some of that global warming about now!" quipped Uncle Bob in Texas as he looked out the window at the snowfall, triggering eye-rolls from his wife, Aunt Betsy. "Wouldn't mind a little climate change, ya hear?"

"Boy, we sure could use some of that global warming about now!" quipped Uncle Paul in Michigan as he took his coat off after entering the office, triggering eye-rolls from his coworkers. "Climate change, my behind!"

Millions of other reports of uncles saying the exact same thing across the country were pouring in at publishing time.