Since Amy Coney Barrett was confirmed to the Supreme Court, she and the other judges have wasted no time in remaking America in their image. This is what we were warned about. In only two days, 23 landmark cases have been decided by the new conservative Supreme Court. God help us all.
- United States v. Trump, 6-3 ruling -- Determined that Trump has already won reelection
- Walsh v. Dweedlestein, 5-4 ruling -- We are to be a theocracy under God
- United States v. Trump, 5-4 ruling -- Trump is now the Galactic Emperor Of Man
- Acosta v. Elisha, 9-0 ruling -- All journalists shall be thrown into a pit with a she-bear
- Gorka v. Kagan, 5-4 ruling -- All justices must now wear MAGA hats
- Subway v. Hebrew National, 6-3 ruling -- A hotdog is now legally classified as a sandwich
- Amazon v. Smith, 6-3 ruling -- Die Hard is now legally classified as a Christmas movie
- Gates v. Cook, 7-2 ruling -- .GIF must now be pronounced with a hard "G"
- American Airlines v. Moore, 6-3 ruling -- The person in the middle seat of an airplane gets both armrests
- Casey v. Brown, 6-3 ruling -- Washing your feet in the shower is unconstitutional
- United States v. West, 5-4 ruling -- The dress is blue and black
- United States v. Barrett, 6-3 ruling -- All women must have at least 7 children
- Papa Johns v. Tony's, 5-4 ruling -- All pizzas must now have pineapple on top
- United States v. Silverman, 9-0 ruling -- Annoying celebrity videos telling you to vote are now illegal
- Bartolli v. Xanderatrix, 5-4 ruling -- Single women are now limited to only 3 cats
- Taco Bell v. Chad, 9-0 ruling -- All Taco Bells must put the Crunchwrap back on the dollar menu
- United States v. Trump, 5-4 ruling -- Everyone must have a Christopher Columbus Statue in their yard
- LaPierre v. Morgan, 6-3 ruling -- Gun ownership is now mandatory
- United States v. Crystal Marina, 9-0 ruling -- Grants McConnell Protected Status as an endangered turtle
- United States v. Trump, 6-3 ruling -- All faces on Mt. Rushmore must now be replaced by Trump
- Babylon Bee v. Facebook, 9-0 ruling -- Babylon Bee no longer allowed to tell jokes about AOC
- Burger King v. Carson, 5-4 ruling -- "Impossible Meat" now illegal
- Thomas v. Breyer, 8-1 ruling -- In favor of stealing Justice Breyer's milk money and shutting him in a locker
Amazing. Let's see what they come up with next week!
