HELL—After learning of a new video trend in which youths are licking ice cream, putting the lid back on, and placing the container back on the store shelf, hell's management unveiled a new extra-hot section specifically for these people.
The section of the place of torture and separation from God is heated an extra 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit. The floor is also made of Lego bricks. Christian movies are playing on the television sets, and country music is playing on the speakers. Sources were also able to confirm that several hell employees will be scratching their fingernails on a chalkboard for all eternity throughout the place of torment.
"We feel this punishment is fitting," said a representative for hell. "Frankly, a lot of higher-ups thought it was too forgiving. They were thinking we should take things up to at least 100,000 degrees, but they were finally talked back down to a more reasonable 76,000 degrees."
While the idea of hell has been controversial among many progressive Christians in recent years, all believers came together to affirm that this is "a great idea."