U.S.—A new series of marriage conferences and retreats will bring you and your spouse to an idyllic location and then just have you play Mario Kart against each other all weekend.
Those attending the intense retreat will be locked into a room with just their spouse, a Nintendo Switch, two Pro Controllers, and a copy of Mario Kart 8 for nearly three days. Psychiatrists and biblical counselors believe hitting your spouse with power-ups like red shells, banana peels, and the dreaded blue shells are a great way to discover old wounds and begin the healing process.
"We're gonna see a lot of tears, a lot of emotion, and a lot of anger as spouses work through their deep-seated issues," said Dr. Mario Cuomo, CEO of Marioage Retreats, LLC. "When your spouse hits you with a blue shell just before you win on Rainbow Road, you're gonna let loose with feelings you didn't even know you had."
"Just let it all out and have a good cry," he advised, though he did ask that those attending the conference try to refrain from hurling the controllers through their expensive televisions.
Attendees will be required to sign waivers indicating the company is not responsible for death or bodily harm sustained during the intense marital counseling sessions.
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