HONG KONG—Many have criticized climate activist Greta Thunberg for lecturing Western countries on their inaction on climate change when most of the pollution comes from developing countries like China and India. Well, Greta has finally gone to Hong Kong to address what she believes to be a major source of carbon emissions: the Hong Kong protesters.
"How dare you burn things as part of these protests when our planet is in crisis!" she said in her scathing rebuke of the pro-democracy protesters. "Every time you throw a gasoline bomb at the totalitarian police officers, you rob a little more of my childhood from me."
Beijing thanked Thunberg for her "important work" in identifying the real root of the problem: democracy. "Thunberg is an example of true Person of the Year material, using her platform to call out the villains who would disrupt our safe, efficient, government," Beijing wrote in a statement.
Time Magazine quickly gave the Hong Kong protesters "Villain of the Year" awards for not using green protest methods.
Thunberg also condemned the protesters' use of tear gas when there are carbon-neutral options like throwing rocks or using pointy sticks.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.