Home > Politics > Everyone Jumps Off Bridge After New Government Order Telling Everyone To J...
Politics
Everyone Jumps Off Bridge After New Government Order Telling Everyone To Jump Off Bridge

U.S.—After state governments across the country directed their citizens to shut down their businesses and just kinda hope things worked out, a new order has been issued: everyone is to jump off a bridge immediately.

A government official issued the order to solve our current crisis, and everyone immediately complied.

"Everyone jump off a bridge," said a representative of the government.

"OK," said everyone. "If the government says so, it's probably a good idea. Besides, what can we do? It's the government. They definitely have the best people working on it."

The directive was designed to end coronavirus. Medical experts believe it's the best, most effective way to stop the virus. Assuming everyone follows through and obeys the order, coronavirus will be wiped out, according to officials. There are no bad side effects, as far as anyone can tell. A few people pointed out that it could kill everyone, but these people are anti-science and obviously hate their neighbors.

Breaking: Paypal Now Available

Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.

There are 19 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.