ATLANTA, GA — The CDC has updated its list of essential and non-essential activities during a pandemic or outbreak, adding "gay orgies" to the "essential" category.
The CDC officially moved "gay orgies" to the "essential" side of its guidelines for which activities you can still participate in during the spread of a virus, where it joined other activities like "going to dinner at the French Laundry" and "mostly peaceful riots."
"While going to church, work, and school will be forbidden the next time there is a massive outbreak, gay orgies will always be protected activities," said CDC Director Rochelle Walensky. "Certain things are sacred, constitutional rights that the government cannot forbid you from doing. Things like massive group sex with other gay people. This is what America is all about. It's worth the risk."
"It's your right - nay, your duty - to continue doing this important activity during the spread of a disease that's mostly spread by this activity," she added.
Democrat leaders say they are moving to amend the Constitution to include the right to gay orgies in the document, with many proposing the Second Amendment be replaced with the new one.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.