Theology
God Officially Pronounces Divine Judgment On Gender Reveal Parties

YUCAIPA, CA—The El Dorado Fire currently consuming thousands of acres of California's forests was caused by a gender reveal party, proving once and for all that God hates gender reveal parties and that anyone who participates in them is just asking for a lightning bolt, fire and brimstone, or flattening meteor from the heavens.

Theologians across the land are confirming that this fire proves that God has revealed His dislike for gender reveal parties "because they are dumb."

"For the wrath of God is being revealed against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men and really dumb stuff like gender reveal parties," said a heavenly messenger sent to confirm God's thoughts on gender reveal parties. "This natural disaster is actually a supernatural judgment on the practice of gathering everyone together and popping a balloon, launching a firework, or shooting off a powder cannon to announce the gender of your baby. You can do it at the baby shower or just post it on Facebook. You don't need another party. It's like, how many of these things are we supposed to go to?"

"You already have a baby shower -- what's wrong with you people!?" the heavenly messenger added.

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