WAYMOOT, THE SHIRE — Local girl hobbit Daisy Stumpfoot has very high standards: she refuses to date any boy hobbit under four feet.
"I'm just not attracted to short hobbits, which is tough because we're all short," Stumpfoot said. "I just have standards, okay?"
Of the three breeds of hobbits, the Fallohides are among the tallest with many reaching four feet in height, and sometimes taller. But the Stoor and Harfoot breeds, Stumpfoot says, are pathetic and she wouldn't be caught dead with them. Not again, anyway. Stumpfoot was previously betrothed to Butter Amberfog, a Stoor hobbit from Bridgewater but their relationship ended when she realized he couldn't reach anything that had fallen behind the couch.
"Tall hobbits are just better. They can reach things," Stumpfoot said. "If I married a Stoor the top shelf at any store would be forever closed off to me."
She added, "And don't get me started on Harfoots. They're like the halflings of hobbits."
Elders routinely wag their heads in disapproval as Stumpfoot walks by, calling her a chaser of Men. Still, Stumpfoot has shown no signs of wavering. "Even very short men are so tall," she said. "Maybe I should go to Bree."
Her parents have expressed concern that their daughter puts too much stock in looks and not enough in heart. "That Samwise in Hobbiton, he's a real catch. A gardener with a soft heart, you know. But she just said she was more interested in the taller hobbits by the Brandywine who deal in real estate and can afford the finer things," her mother said. "Disgraceful."
At publishing time, Daisy Stumpfoot joined an online dating site called TallerHobbits.com.
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