WASHINGTON, D.C. — The debate over whether women should be allowed as pastors has been settled once and for all, thanks to the heroic efforts of the National Cathedral's lady Bishop Mariann Budde.
The Episcopal woman smiled ear-to-ear as she strode out of the National Cathedral, knowing that she had proved to the world beyond a shadow of a doubt that only men should be pastors.
"I did it!" exclaimed Budde, proudly hugging supporters. "I finally showed all you morons out there precisely why women should never, ever be allowed to lead a church. Did you see everyone's faces in the congregation? Oh man, I just owned so many mainline denomination chumps, and all on national television. Amazing."
After 70 years of attempting to make lady pastors a thing, progressive denominations across the globe admitted the experiment was over. "Welp, this was a mistake," admitted Anglican bishop Reginald Donaldson. "Bishop Budde showed the world why the church's stance for the first 1,950 years of existence was the correct one. If you watch her even for a minute, you will walk away knowing that only men should lead a church. It was the most compelling argument I've ever heard."
At publishing time, the Episcopal Church had defended itself by stating that they honestly thought this whole time that Bishop Budde was a dude.
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