NASHVILLE, TN — What had been a beautiful, relaxing day at the Hidden Acres Retirement Home was thrown into chaos after conservative internet personality Ben Shapiro burst into the building to tell its residents to rejoin the workforce.
"Get back to work, you lazy bums!" Shapiro shouted at the elderly tenants as they gathered in the facility's cafeteria for lunch. "Retirement is such a stupid idea! It's high time for you freeloading, gray-haired moochers to get off your couches, turn off Judge Judy, and go get productive jobs that contribute something to society. If you have some sort of health problem, you can just work part-time. Social Security and Medicare are killing this country. I don't care how old you geezers are. Make yourselves useful."
One brave resident, 87-year-old Georgette McGann, confronted Shapiro. "That's not very nice of you to say, young man!" McGann allegedly said to Shapiro. "We've all worked our whole lives to earn the right to retire and enjoy our remaining years. I feel like you owe us an apology."
"Facts don't care about your feelings, grandma," Shapiro reportedly replied. "You know who else worked hard his whole life? Moses. And what did he do? He worked every single day until he was 120 years old, and then he died. And there were no bingo nights or shuffleboard in the wilderness. Moses was inspiring. What's your excuse?"
At publishing time, Shapiro urged everyone at the retirement home to sign up for DailyWire+ as he was escorted off the property by security.