CEDAR RAPIDS, IA — Best Buy insiders recently revealed that the only reason that the tech store is able to financially sustain its Geek Squad IT service is because of Gertrude Steins, a life-long Iowa native and Windows XP user.

According to Egbert Seymour, Best Buy's Geek-in-Chief and semi-professional Star Wars Battlefront II player, Gertrude has been a Geek Squad user for the last 30 years, or ever since her husband first brought home a Windows Desktop PC back in the '90s.

"Ah, yes, Gertrude. The dear lady calls us two - sometimes three - times daily for help sending emails, checking Facebook Marketplace, opening PDFs…everything!" said Seymour, casting a longing glance back at his fire gaming setup which had Call of Duty: Black Ops 6 already booted up and waiting for him. "She's really the only reason that the Geek Squad isn't completely bankrupt right now. Can I get back to, uh, work now?"

Gertrude was unable to be reached for comment, as she was in the middle of panicking and calling the Geek Squad to ask why Internet Explorer was acting up again and could they please explain to her what the difference was between bluetooth and wifi again and would they please help her reset her password from her grandson Ryan's birthday to her great-grandniece Evelyn's birthday?

At publishing time, Best Buy had confirmed that when Gertrude passes away in a few years, they hope to keep their business afloat with help from Hunter Biden.

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