ASHEVILLE, NC — According to sources, local gay couple Garth Millens and Chaz Nimby have begun the process of shopping for a brand-new designer baby to adopt as their own — hopefully one that matches their shoes and will look fetching when they're walking with it down Grove Street.
"Ohhhmy gahhhh, Garth, look at the brown one! He'll go great with my Balenciagas! Can we get a brown one?" said Chaz as they scrolled through a selection of skin tones, eye colors, and hair types on a site that sells the wombs of disadvantaged mothers for use in surrogacy. "Oh, wait wait! The white one would look sooooo good with my Reeboks though. Ugh, it's so hard to pick!"
Sources say that once the couple selects the preferred genetics of their new designer baby, they will hire a local college student who's struggling to pay her bills to rent out her uterus for 9 months, after which they will strip the baby from his mother and raise him as their own.
Sources say that in the end, the couple decided on a redhead to match Garth's Zappos.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: