ATLANTA, GA — While speaking at the Rialto Center for the Arts as part of promotion for his new memoir, Young Man in a Hurry: A Memoir of Discovery, California Governor Gavin Newsom wowed a black audience by putting some hot sauce into his purple drank.
"See? I'm exactly like you," Newsom said. "It doesn't get more delicious than some hot sauce in your purple drank, am I right? This isn't pandering. Back home, we call this drink a 'Newsom.'"
The audience was surprised by the governor's choice of drink and unsure whether or not he was being genuine. Newsom quickly moved to allay their fears.
"I am not just trying to score points here," he insisted. "We're alike in so many ways. Just like you, I've fathered children I've never met. I've never once changed the batteries in my smoke alarms, no matter how many times they chirp at me. I yell at the screen when I'm at the movies. And, like you, I also perpetrate a disproportionate amount of the crime in my home state. I have a lot in common with you, which is why I'm the perfect political candidate to represent you people."
At the end of his on-stage interview with Atlanta Mayor Andrew Dickens, Newsom then sat down to a plate of fried chicken as he interacted with the crowd directly during a Q&A segment. "Boy, I wish I had some watermelon, am I right, my brothers?" he said.
At publishing time, Newsom was still polling at 90% among black voters.
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