WASHINGTON, D.C. — A committee from the United States Senate announced today that they were finally joining the rest of the nation in holding Anthony Fauci in contempt.
The announcement came after Fauci appeared in front of a congressional hearing last week and pleaded the Fifth Amendment on every question asked of him. Americans admitted they'd already been holding him in contempt for years.
"We can't stand that guy," American Maria Maxwell said. "He's responsible for shutting down schools. I still haven't recovered from having my three kids online for 8 hours a day. I'm glad to hear the Senate is holding him in contempt. Me too, guys, me too."
The Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee voted to hold Fauci in contempt, only now arriving at what many American citizens said they've felt for a long time.
"Yeah, who doesn't?" Dylan Tolbert said. "That guy… I can't even stand to see his face. I hold him in major contempt. Welcome to the party, senators."
Many called for consequences for Fauci, who orchestrated lockdowns and vaccine mandates at the peak of the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic. Unfortunately, the Senate admitted that holding a largely ceremonial vote to hold him in contempt was the harshest penalty they could administer.
At publishing time, Fauci was seen accidentally pouring out a vial of something many suspected to be full of Ebola virus.
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