YOUNTVILLE, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom has found himself once again mired in scandal, this time after being caught dining on eggs cooked on a gas stove at the French Laundry.
"I made a terrible error in judgment," said a somber Mr. Newsom. "At a time when most Americans cannot even dream of affording an egg, I am ashamed to say I ate two, both cooked over easy on a gas grill - that most sinister of kitchen appliances. I am sorry for the pain, hurt, asthma, and cognitive decline that I have caused with my actions."
The Governor had reportedly met several lobbyists at the French Laundry for a lavish feast of eggs and fine wine. "We understand the Governor eating gas-cooked eggs, while meeting with lobbyists working to outlaw gas grills and chicken farms, has a bit of a hypocritical ring to it," admitted Mr. Newsom's Press Secretary Rachel Rodgers. "However, the Governor is modestly handsome and he's a Democrat in California. So, he looks forward to this blowing over in a few days, and totally apologizes for his actions."
Despite Mr. Newsom's heartfelt apology, many Californians expressed frustration at his continued flouting of the rules he expects others to follow. "If Newsom wants to accuse me of killing kids by making risotto on my gas stove, the least he could do is play along," said local woman Susan Jennings. "Then on top of that, he goes and eats TWO eggs? Have some decency, for goodness' sake."
At publishing time, reports surfaced that Mr. Newsom also ordered a soufflé and used the leftover egg whites to help slick his hair back.
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