U.S.—Riotous crowds rushed brick and mortar stores today to pick up copies of Mel Brooks' groundbreaking comedy Blazing Saddles before it permanently goes down the memory hole due to jokes that are off-limits in today's enlightened society of love and tolerance.
Hundreds of thousands of frenzied Americans charged into stores, fighting over the few copies of the movie still left on shelves.
"It was mine -- I saw it first!" shouted one man as he elbow-dropped another rioter in a Best Buy. "Hand it over, ya little weasel!" The pair fought over the Blu-ray for a few minutes before the elbow-dropper finally won out and headed for the checkstand with his prize. The other, more beta man was forced to buy a copy of Pitch Perfect instead.
Similar scenes of violence and chaos broke out all around the country as people suddenly realized there was no way Blazing Saddles would remain on streaming services very long, with even jokes that are clearly mocking racism and bigotry being deleted from dozens of shows in the past few weeks.
Next week, crowds are expected to be fighting over the last few copies of the next movie to be canceled for being too offensive, Paddington 2.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.