Freedom Convoy Forms In Los Angeles Blocking Freeway And—Never Mind, That's Just Normal Traffic On The 405
Politics · Feb 9, 2022

LOS ANGELES, CA - A convoy of trucks and private vehicles has brought LA traffic to a grinding halt. This new road blockade appears to be a copycat group of the Canadian Freedom Convoy protesting vaccine mandates.

According to witnesses, hundreds of dangerous, antivax, anti-science protestors seem to have paralyzed the inner city with their large, obstructing vehicles. The nonstop honking has polluted the city with noise, even preventing the locals from sleeping at night.

"The 405 Freeway is completely blocked up. They are trying to blockade our economy, our democracy and our fellow citizens' daily lives!" said Josh Tillerbum, a man who hadn't moved an inch of the interstate in hours. "Los Angeles has become paralyzed. It has to stop!"

UPDATE: This was a false alarm. Neither the trucker Freedom Convoy nor any copycat group was responsible for the complete shutdown of LA traffic, as sources now say that's how traffic always is on the 405. The horrible bumper-to-bumper traffic, incessant honking, and city-wide gridlock are all naturally occurring in LA.

Experts claim that traffic is expected to lighten up later at around 2 am, enabling Californians to drive a little faster than 15 miles per hour.

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Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.

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