WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Biden administration will be providing free crack pipes to crack addicts, but only if they can show valid proof of vaccination against COVID-19.
Jen Psaki shared further details regarding Biden's new proposal during her daily press briefing.
"The president feels, and we agree, that people are going to smoke crack anyway. We might as well give them safe crack so they can hit a sweet high without fear of overdose. We're doing this to save Black lives."
"But only if they're vaccinated."
Polling data shows the African American community has the highest vaccine-hesitancy rate in the country due to fears exacerbated by the Tuskegee experiment and that time the CIA created a crack epidemic to kill off all the Black people. Now the Biden administration is working to restore racial equity by further fueling the epidemic the government got them addicted to in the first place.
"If you won't inject yourself with an experimental vaccine then you can't be trusted to use anything but black tar heroin," said Psaki. "No safe zones for crack cocaine until we're sure you're not going to infect others with a mild disease."
Whoopi Goldberg emerged from her suspension to question why her community was being enabled to slip deeper into a dangerous addiction, but then she was canceled again for being ignorant.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
