First Baptist Church Shocked To Discover They Are Not Actually The First Baptist Church
Church · May 2, 2019 · BabylonBee.com

BRATTLEBORO, VT - Sources at First Baptist Church on Main Street confirmed Thursday that the pastor and all 27 people on the leadership team were shocked to discover that they are not actually the first Baptist church in existence.

"Pastor, I've got some bad news," one congregant said. "Well, it looks like there are four other Baptist churches who were in this city well before us. And, well---man, this is gonna be hard to hear---there are thousands of Baptist churches all over the world."

"WHAT!?!" Pastor Jim Beryl responded. "No, it clearly says up on our inerrant sign: FIRST Baptist Church. The sign says it, I believe it, that settles it."

After further review and historical research, the church reluctantly changed its name to 3,256th Baptist Church on Main Street.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now