SOUTH BEND, IN — A female airline pilot was preoccupied during an otherwise routine flight yesterday, as she kept hoping the plane's blinking "CHECK ENGINE" light would eventually just turn off by itself without incident.
"What's that light mean?" asked Pilot-In-Command Avery Gaffney. "I sure wish my husband was here to tell me what this means! Oh well, I'm sure it's nothing. I'll just keep flying until it turns off."
Gaffney was piloting a Boeing 737 Delta flight from San Francisco to Philadelphia with a stopover in South Bend, Indiana. Passengers aboard the flight began to notice strange noises coming from below the cabin. "It sounded like a loud grinding," said passenger Josiah Smith. "It started pretty soon after takeoff, and it's only gotten louder. Should we be concerned?"
Gaffney, part of Delta's initiative to have more female pilots and crew members, seemed relaxed about the issue. "This happens all the time with my car at home," Gaffney said. "A light will come on, nothing really crazy will happen, I'll end up with my car broken down by the side of the road, it'll cost me a few thousand dollars to get it fixed, and then everything's fine!"
At publishing time, Gaffney had accidentally put her aircraft into a spin stall after attempting to put on makeup while climbing out of South Bend.
By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?