Feeling a little down? Think you've really screwed the pooch this time? Come with the Babylon Bee as we crack open the Scriptures and check out some Bible heroes who have done way, way stupider stuff than you!
Adam: You may be feeling a little blue today, but did sin and death enter the world through you? See, it's not so bad.
Samson: His girlfriend betrayed him to be tortured by enemies - TWICE - and the third time, he STILL FELL FOR IT! Come on.
Jonah: This guy legit tried to run away from the Creator of the universe on a boat. Way dumber than you!
Abraham: You may have messed up today, but did you lie about your wife being your sister? TWICE?
Balaam: This prophet of God beat the heck out of his own donkey, who was only trying to save Balaam from getting killed by an angel with a flaming sword. Ouch.
Aaron: First he helps lead the miraculous Exodus, then he leads millions of people into idolatrous demon worship. That's pretty bad!
David: He failed to install a Covenant Eyes filter on his rooftop, leading to adultery, murder and ultimately his kingdom's destruction. Puts your mistakes in perspective.
Paul: Before encountering Jesus, he literally went from town-to-town murdering Christians. Probably worse than what you did today.
Cain: This guy thought offering someone vegetables was a good idea. VEGETABLES!
Peter: One of Jesus's favorite disciples rebuked the Lord over His plan to die for our sins. So, yeah, pretty stupid in hindsight!
Yikes! Feel better now? Sure you do!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
