CINCINNATI, OH — Proctor & Gamble has released a brand new maximum-strength version of its popular Febreze air freshener product designed to combat the intense odor of bedrooms occupied by Jr. High-aged boys. The powerful air freshener comes in a specially engineered canister that allows desperate parents to spray the high-potency contents all at once.
Febreze marketers focus-tested the product with a number of households. It was rated highly by mothers of teenage boys and undertakers. A new advertising campaign promotes the product as making it feel "like your kids don't live there anymore!"
"I love it!" said Beatrice Walthorne, a Salt Lake City resident who is also the mother of seven young boys. "I had forgotten what it was like to not smell the putrid scent of adolescent boys who haven't figured out showering or deodorant yet. Now I can go into my boy's rooms without wearing a gas mask for my own safety. Thanks, Febreze!"
Though effective, men have been less favorable of the innovative product.
"I don't really smell a difference," said Jake Stone of Frederick, MD. "Not worth the extra dollar."
The maximum strength formula has not yet been approved by the FDA, although they are reportedly testing a vaccine that prevents body odor.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
