U.S. — FBI Director Christopher Wray has come under criticism for his raiding of former President Trump's residence. He responded this morning by announcing that all who criticize the FBI's raid will have their own homes raided as well.

"We will not tolerate any disparagement of this proud and incorruptible federal law enforcement agency that has never done anything wrong," said Wray. "All who oppose us are dangerous and deplorable. Prepare to be raided, suckas!"

Wray then directed bureaus to cooperate with local S.W.A.T. teams and search the homes of everyone who expressed anger and disgust at the FBI raid on Trump's home in Mar-A-Lago. "We will not rest until every deplorable sock drawer has been dumped out and every dangerous home safe has been broken into. Anyone who resists will be sent to GITMO. Don't mess with me, man!"

News media assured the country the raids were completely legal as a federal judge formerly from Epstein's defense team signed off on them.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.