WASHINGTON, D.C. — At the direction of the FBI, the National Archives has released all of the government's documents related to John F. Kennedy's assassination - except for the document that says the FBI killed President Kennedy.
"We are happy to finally declassify all of the JFK documents, with one tiny exception," said FBI Director Christopher Wray. "We hope this will put to rest all of those silly conspiracies about how the FBI planned the whole thing, and I really hope no one ever asks us about this again."
The release from the National Archives comes as the FBI has sought to increase public transparency and trust. "We believe shooting straight with people is always the best policy," said Director Wray, his head tilting backward. "It keeps people from believing there may be some second source of information that's being hidden. We hope this release will allow the public to see things from our elevated vantage point."
At publishing time, the FBI had promised to also release further documents about the so-called "moon landing".
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
