Scientists Predict Humans Will Simply Be Giant Rolling Balls Of Masks By 2024
Health

U.S.—Experts are now predicting that humans will make a giant evolutionary leap forward in the next few years, moving from walking around on two legs to rolling around in a giant ball of masks, thanks to ever-evolving mask guidelines.

"At the current rate of mask growth, humans will evolve to just be rolling around in a giant ball of them within three years," said evolutionary biologist Bob Carson III. "As the mask arms race accelerates, we're already seeing humans wearing three, four, five, six, even seven masks. Projecting that rate out, assuming logarithmic growth -- let's see, carry the one... yep. We're all just gonna be big mask blobs."

Scientists believe humans' legs will slowly begin to atrophy as they no longer use them to walk around, as they'll be able to roll in the mask balls. Freeways will be converted into fun slides where you can just roll to work, and doors will be turned into Hobbit hole-style round entryways so you can just roll on into the office when office buildings open up again in a few years.

One competing study is challenging the idea that humans will be rolling around in a ball of masks and instead found that the entire earth will just be a big ball of masks hurtling around the solar system and smothering all human life within.

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