WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a daring feat of undercover journalism, The Babylon Bee's embedded DC reporter has acquired a leaked copy of Joe Biden's debate prep notes. We are proud to introduce them to the world for the first time. Please enjoy. Many undercover journalists died to bring us this information.
Here they are in all their glory:
The pictured scan has been translated for you below:
(page 1)
My Debate Notes:
Reminder: You are JOE BIDEN and you are running for PRESIDENT
You're from SCRANTON
You used to be VP with Obama
ORANGE MAN BAD
Answer Key:
- Hunter & Ukraine = "Come on, man!"
- Taxes & Jobs = "Look, here's the deal."
- Emergency use only = "You're a lying, dog-faced pony soldier!"
- If you get lost = "You know, the thing!"
Reminders:
- Tug on your left ear and Chris Wallace will throw you a softball
- Go backstage between commercials for MORE DRUGS!
- Don't forget to tell Corn Pop story
Ideas:
- Push up contest?
- Punching and slapping?
(page 2)
Give the Gettyzburg Address!
(complete transcript of the Gettysburg Address)
My favorite Hair (for inspiration)
(three doodles of women with different hairstyles)
**NO SNIFFING OF HAIR**
(even if you want to)
The Babylon Bee was also able to acquire Trump's debate prep notes, but it was just a napkin on which he had written, "You are amazing, go get 'em tiger!"
