According to reliable media sources, Biden is "dependably engaged" between the hours of 10 AM and 4 PM and performs most of his work during that period. But that's only six hours — how can he possibly run the country in such a short period? To find out, we obtained an exclusive copy of the daily work schedule White House aides use to keep Biden on task.
Take a look for yourself.
Biden's Daily Work Schedule:
10:00 AM — Wake-up call
10:15 AM — Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs
10:30 AM — Coffee and cocaine with Hunter
11:00 AM — Morning Briefing to remind him he's the President
11:15 AM — Sign executive orders (just tell him they're to get rid of junk fees)
11:30 AM — Remind him that Commander now lives in a farm upstate and is "very happy"
11:45 AM — Second Morning Briefing to again remind him he's the president
Noon — Lunch Break
12:30 PM — Ice cream treat if he finishes all his vegetables
1:00 PM — After Lunch Briefing to again remind him he's the President
1:15 PM — Power Nap
1:45 PM — Change diaper and take pills
2:00 PM — Destroy America
2:30 PM — Wii Tennis with the boys
3:00 PM — Afternoon Briefing to remind him what was discussed in the previous 3 briefings
3:15 PM — Take daily regimen of intravenous drugs to stay lucid
3:30 PM — Arrive late to deliver teleprompter address on a sound stage
4:00 PM — Quittin' Time!
Not even George Washington had a schedule this jam-packed. Trump may have worked a 24-hour day, but most of it was on Twitter so it doesn't count.
Mission accomplished: Satan has just confirmed that Jesus of Nazareth was crucified and will never be coming back.
