ARLINGTON, VA — Presidential candidates Joe Biden and Donald Trump avoided eye contact after bumping into each other at a local tanning salon this week.
Tropical Tones Salon booked the men just minutes apart for a full-body spray tan. "Hey, it's Trump…don't say hi," Biden told his staff as they entered the facility. "I don't want him to see us here. Do you think he noticed the 45-car motorcade parked in the lot out front?"
Trump walked quietly past the President on his way into Booth #2. At one point in the waiting room, the former president faked a cell phone call in an effort to avoid talking to Biden.
"Look, I'm here for my weekly spray-down. I don't want to see Sleepy Joe hanging out here. This is my private time to look beautiful and tremendously golden. He's seriously bringing me down."
Salon workers escorted the two men into their respective spray booths and administered the treatments. Witnesses reported overhearing the disrobed men attempting to yell at each other between the walls.
"Hey Don! Can you recite the alphabet backward? I can! Listen up! Z, Y, X, WHYGGJPHRECGHPHHHHRGH."
As of publishing time, both men were seen slap-fighting in bathrobes while they waited for the spray tan to dry, prompting aides to put them each in different corners of the waiting room.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
