WASHINGTON D.C. — Reports from high-level sources in Washington indicate Vice President Kamala Harris is just about to unburden herself from what has been.
"I'm out here on these streets, getting ready to unburden myself -- you know what I mean? HAHA!" said Harris. "I'm starting to see what can be, not what has been, right girl! HAHAHA!!!"
After years of repeatedly envisioning what can be, unburdened from what has been, Harris reportedly feels like her vision is about to come to fruition. "I watched the debate last week, and I immediately started to feel like maybe, just maybe, what has been was about to be unburdened," said Harris. "It's like a yellow school bus - who doesn't love a yellow school bus? It's like a yellow school bus going to space, which is so big. No one could imagine that because they are burdened by what has been, which is yellow school buses that don't go to space. HAHAHAHA!!!!"
As Democrat strategists continue to discuss the possibility of replacing Biden, they too have begun to imagine what could be, unburdened by what has been. "We are so screwed," said strategist Mick Rawls. "It's dementia or psychosis. Ah, the proverbial rock and a hard place. I mean we can still win the election, but at what cost? Have you listened to this woman speak? We are, in a much larger sense, very screwed."
At publishing time, what has been had reportedly denied all reports that it would be unburdening itself from Harris any time soon.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
