WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an ingenious political stratagem, Democrat higher-ups recently maneuvered Biden into resigning from the presidency by displaying "I hereby resign from the presidency, no takebacks" on his teleprompter.
Sources say that leaders in the Democrat party brilliantly outflanked Dr. Jill Biden's aspirations for another four years of power by simply tricking Biden into saying the magic words during a speech on the recent heat wave.
"We just have to remember who we are as Americans," read Biden serenely just before falling into the devious trap. "Also, I, Joseph Biden, in full possession of all my mental powers, do hereby resign from the United States Presidency, now and forever, no takebacks or fingers crossed, scout's honor, pinky promise, end of line."
"REPEAT THE LINE…I RESIGN," Biden shouted helpfully, as a gleeful Kamala Harris traded high-fives with Michelle Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Chuck Schumer. Eyewitnesses say that Dr. Jill Biden attempted to rush the podium to clarify her husband's statement, but was prevented by three Democrat staffers.
"Great job, Joe, just phenomenal!" cackled Kamala as she led a beaming Biden offstage. "Let's get you an ice cream now. Good boy!" The pair were pursued by heartbroken cries from Dr. Jill Biden, who was being led away to an unmarked black SUV.
At publishing time, The White House had dismissed Biden's apparent resignation as a "deepfake."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
