**Checks watch** Do you know what time it is? It's time for a new Avengers movie: Infinity War! The massive crossover film is one of the most anticipated of the year, and so of course, Disney and Marvel asked the internet's most trusted news source, The Babylon Bee, to drop the first review.
While there was a lot to take in, here are the key takeaways from the superhero smash-up:
- The part where Captain America pauses the film mid-fistfight and breaks the fourth wall, turning to the camera to lecture the audience on the importance of diversity, inclusion, and intersectionality is a bit heavy-handed, and not true to the character.
- While we appreciate Disney's attempts to include the gay agenda in a blockbuster film, the romantic relationship between the Hulk and Iron Man seemed forced.
- Personally, we LOVED the heroes' fabulous, dazzling dance number at the end - set to "I'll Make A Man Out Of You" from Mulan.
- The plot was one of the best so far: the Avengers have to band together to stop Thanos from busting into a college classroom and yelling, "THERE ARE ONLY TWO GENDERS!" It's a real step up from some of the contrived plots of the past films.
- We're not entirely sure the Avengers teaming up with the High School Musical gang for the final confrontation with Thanos was the right tonal choice for the film.
- The claymation used on Thanos looks unbelievably real. We haven't seen effects this convincing since 1983's Krull.
- Kirk Cameron playing Stan Lee was definitely a miscast. What were they thinking?
- We would have liked to see more scenes with Thor using his hammer to kill stuff, instead of trying to hammer shiplap into the Avengers' headquarter walls after being inspired by an episode of Fixer Upper.
Overall, we appreciated Disney's attempts to finally bring superheroes into the progressive zeitgeist of the 21st century, but the film fell a bit flat, lacking the diversity and inclusion we expect from a liberal powerhouse like Disney. Where are the transgender characters? The Muslim heroes? The gay, atheist, minority hero in a wheelchair? The film's woeful lack of intersectional queens straight-up slaying on screen just shows that Disney still has a long way to go.
Final score: 2 Joss Whedons out of 5